Hello hello!
I’m Rhia Maîr Kaur, a community leader, content creator and writer. I live with my husband, our son and little black Schnauzer in South West London. I trained as an actress at the Webber Douglas Academy of Dramatic Art and have worked professionally in the creative arts since childhood.
My work today centres on issues of identity, racism and lived experience of growing up mixed race in the UK. I also discuss themes of motherhood, chronic illness and intersectional feminism (if your feminism isn’t intersectional it isn’t actually feninism!)
I was born in Cardiff, Cymru (Wales), raised in the West Midlands (England) and have lived in London for the last 20 or so years. I am Punjabi, Cymraes (Welsh) and many things in between.
My parents married in 1970s Britain which was not a particularly tolerant place to be and I consider them to have been trailblazers. There was opposition from both sides of the family but they railed against that and things softened (to a degree) once the children came along.
I’m the youngest of four and each of us has had our own distinct experience of growing up Mixed and we certainly have differing relationships with our Mixed identity. This is something I’ve discussed with many other Mixed people who seem to all agree that there can be a wealth of experiences even amongst members of the same family. We never did find any Mixed race community because it was (and still is to an extent) a relatively rare thing to be Mixed South Asian since there is so much stigma attached to marrying outside of caste, religion, race – nevermind the colourism even within communities.
To read more about my background and some of my previous writing please head to the Library where I have shared several pieces on all it is to be Mixed Race in Britain.
For so long I have been on a personal journey to exist in the fullness of my identity. I have wanted to shy away from the use of percentages and fractions to describe myself. I have wanted to develop new language to explain the way I view my Mix and I have most of all wanted autonomy over all of it. Who I am and how I describe myself. A common theme amongst Mixed people I have spoken to is that we tend to have a lot of assumptions put onto us from outside sources. We get asked, “Where are you from?” on an unending basis and even when we answer our response is met with disbelief or consternation. Um…..I think I know where I am from, and I’m pretty certain it’s not up for debate with a complete stranger, thank you! I add the thank you because I’m polite like that, but it sticks in my teeth a little!
I have certainly come a long way but eventually realised what I needed most was to connect with others who could understand. There must be other people who feel the same and could also find solace in a community of Mixed people.
As I began to build our community I also developed my very own brand of support. I became a supportive friend, a fierce ally, a shoulder to cry on. I have provided a place to commiserate and celebrate all that it is to be Mixed.
That’s when I awarded myself an M. B. E.
Don’t worry – I haven’t lost my mind and decided to accept any kind of “honour” from the Royal family (I could never!) The word Empire makes me shudder!
I have in fact bestowed this honour upon myself…..I hereby declare that I am Rhia Maîr Kaur and I have Mixed Bestie Energy.
Yes….I’m here to be your Mixed bestie, to help you through this week’s Mixed identity crisis (I know I’ll be having one again soon too!) I want to put an arm around you when you feel like you don’t fit in. I want to high five you when you meet someone new and they don’t even ask, “Where are you from?” I’m so glad you’re here. Please have a look around and feel free to say hi. There’s usually cake and definitely tea. You fit in with me and you always will.
"We are home for each other. We are from everywhere and for every mix."
Bye for now,
